Anybody Want a Cat? Or Three?

Free to good any home: Three moon-drunk felines weighing a total of thirty pounds. Can be separated, but extra vocalizations ensue when two youngest are apart. Special skills/talents: pitiful looks, persistence, precociousness, curiosity, ability to jump long distances, enthusiasm, admirable dedication to chasing computer cursors and wrestling each other. Disadvantages: same. If interested, please reply to keepmycats@takethemnow.net.

Background, in the name of disclosure: These cats are prone to the night-crazies, and have been known to keep household members awake long into the the early morning. Last night’s exhibitions were particularly severe, and have prompted this limited-time offer. For example: The Basil sat under the window and howled at the visible moon. He and Rosemary, both friendly sorts, set up a wrestling tournament on my prone body. Someone threw up. Someone ate it. Someone pooped on the master bathroom floor. Someone attempted to bury it with linoleum. Someone got locked out, and then pawed and meowed at the door until let back in. Someone sat on my head. Someone walked on it. Someone chewed the cat kibbles so loudly the breaking food echoed throughout the room.

And now three someones are in trouble.

This morning came way too early for forgiveness. If they let me sleep tonight, I might allow them to live. I may even keep them, in which case this offer is null and void. But I’m a little cranky, so you’re probably in luck. Anyone? Anyone???

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28 Comments

  1. Ilana said,

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    LOL

    If you get any takers, I’ll throw in my dog. She’ll fling her body on you the minute anything beeps. She does get along well with cats…

  2. Lucas said,

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 7:48 pm

    same here I will throw in my dog as well and she gets along with cats as well

  3. Kath Calarco said,

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    I was going to consider your offer, until I got to the barfing-eat-the-barf part. Sorry, I don’t like their cuisine and hope that it wasn’t a barfed up mouse (which makes the idea soooo much more palatable).

  4. Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 8:05 pm

    Ooh, Ilana and Lucas, way to sweeten the deal! That’ll get people for sure.

    Yeah, Kath, not my favorite either. Ick. And just what I want to hear while trying to sleep.

  5. Pam said,

    Wednesday, November 12, 2008 at 9:08 pm

    Ooh–I wish I could be the auntie and offer to take them for a bit so you could have some peace and quiet, but Montana is allergic. :-(

    Hope you get some peace and quiet tonight!

  6. Katie said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 12:08 am

    I will TOTALLY take Rosie. I frequently wonder why I didn’t take one (I wanted Sage) 5 years ago. I love them. What can I say. However, I have to tell you…after the trials and tribulations I have endured, Echo is my favorite, and I am VERY glad to really be counted among his friends, not just the occasional person he is not cranky toward. :)

  7. Dru said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 5:04 am

    LOL, if only I didn’t have allergies.

  8. Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 5:35 am

    Ewww…. FAR too much like my own home re the puke/eat puke thing. My cat throws up. The dogs race to it. They turn their noses up at fur balls though.

    Nice.

  9. alyson noel said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 9:07 am

    I feel for you, I really do. And though you’ve made it extremely tempting— I’m afraid all I have to pass.

    Darn allergies!!

  10. spyscribbler said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    Caryn, we have four. We have no place to put the litter boxes except our bedroom. Their dry, munchy food is in our bedroom, too. And they insist on digging their claws into the litter boxes and scraping, scraping, scraping at four a.m., while the other one overeats and throws up so that when I get up to go to the bathroom because I’m awake and they’re being really noisy, it squishes between my toes.

    The upside is that I got 3,800 words written before 9 am.

  11. Katie said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    Aw, they were just having a good time! ;-)

    Let’s hope they let you snooze tonight!

  12. Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    This made me laugh out loud and spit tea on my keyboard, which then made the dog come over to see what was going on, and he tripped on the cord and I had to catch the laptop as it tried to go crashing to the floor. Last night he paced back and forth by my bed FOR HOURS, huffing and puffing because there was a little bit of wind and he thought that might mean a thunderstorm was coming, so he had to stay up to be on alert for possible lightning danger. Last week I drove him to the park to play, and he ate something unspeakable (okay, so it was another dog’s poop) and THEN, if that wasn’t bad enough, he then threw this unspeakable substance up on the gearshift knob on the way home. WHAT IS GOING ON?? I am now of the official opinion that humans are the biggest patsies of the animal kingdom. Hope you get to sleep tonight.

  13. Amy said,

    Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 8:11 pm

    Good gracious. I have a half-blind, anxiety-ridden dog and FUTD-prone male indoor cat I could toss into the mix for good measure.

    Anyone? Anyone?

    Bueller?

  14. Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    Pam, check your email! :-)

    Katie, Echo’s loyalty is hard-earned, but well-deserved considering the patience you put in. And, yes, there are times when I’m certain Rosie would love to find another place to live. She certainly seems to like you!

    Probably for the best, Dru, or you may be in the same position we are!

    Actually, Kit, between you and me it was a kind of relief that it got eaten. At least I didn’t have to clean it up the way I usually do. Unless my husband is nice enough to get it first, which he often does.

    Aw, Alyson. I can tell I need to work on my sales skills. Next time, perhaps.

    Spyscribbler, they do that to us, too! One cat is particularly thorough.

    Yes, Katie, but I do wish they’d have fun on their own time — or somewhere else, at least!

    You know, Sandi, some other people were saying that their pets have been weird this week, too. I’m starting to wonder if there’s something going on. Usually the moon doesn’t affect them quite this much.

    LOL, Amy! Yes, that will definitely sweeten things a bit.

  15. Mizzz_K said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 1:10 am

    This had me laughing so hard. It reminds me of my recent dog/cat sitting experience. One cat is old and cranky and eats only wet food and must be separated into a room with the door shut to prevent anyone (two dog sisters and cat brother) from getting near the only “good” food in the house. Cat brother eats dry food, but it must be up where big dog sister (aka Hoover) cannot get near it. Dogs fight over food, as big dog sister (Hoover) tries to eat it all, so they must be separated to eat and little dog sister’s food gets watched the entire time and put up if she does not finish, so Hoover – I mean big dog sister – cannot get it. Old cranky cat wakes up around 4:00 a.m. and sits in hallway quietly, until about 4:02 am when brother cat realizes he might be missing some quality time to sit and stare at her, at which point, growling,hissing and what can lovingly be called a game of cat Patti-cakes starts. Did I mention that the wet-food room was also the “best” kitty litter box room where it had an interesting caribiner and cord and baby gate contraption to allow the door to open far enough for the cats to enter, but prevent any dogs from entering (to eat cat feces, of course because it is basically dognip), and you had to be certain it was arranged just right or big sister dog (Hoover) could get the door open and bust the lock on the baby gate? Two weeks of it had me severely sleep deprived and diving at food bowls any time I saw them, but I still go borrow the dogs to take them hiking. They are irresistible once you have them, aren’t they?

  16. David Rice said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 6:24 am

    You’ve been bad kitties!

  17. Friday, November 14, 2008 at 9:46 am

    Those “someones” are very naughty!

  18. Robin said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 9:56 am

    LOL, Caryn! Darn, but I’m allergic too. Because seriously, they sound so wonderful. :) I hope they’re behaving better now!

  19. Friday, November 14, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Oh, no, Mizzz_K! Still, you’re right — they really are irresistible, aren’t they? I think they know it, too. ;-)

    I’ll let them know you said so, David & Joanne!

    Robin, they’ve been a little better, but they’ve been so crazy this week. It can’t just be the moon, although they are definitely affected by it.

  20. Mary said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    I love the mottled colouration of the kitty in the foreground. And they do sound fun! ;) Trouble is I am sooo allergic, AND across the Atlantic.

    Hope they settle down.

  21. virginia said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm

    we used to have cats all the time growing up. if you run across a kitten that STAYS a kitten, i’ll take it. i’ve found that the bigger and the older they get, the more lazy. :)

    happy friday!

  22. Friday, November 14, 2008 at 4:10 pm

    Ha! Hope they’re behaving themselves now. I’m allergic, too (much to my son’s dismay), but maybe they just need another creature to play with. You know, to keep ‘em busy… We’ve got a guinea pig. Wanna borrow him and try it out? It could only help, right? :)

  23. sherri said,

    Friday, November 14, 2008 at 10:49 pm

    …and yet they’re still gorgeous:-) I used to have a cat named Rosemary and her brother’s name was Sage. I wrote about them on pearweed a few months back. Loved your read.

  24. Kyle said,

    Saturday, November 15, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    LOL… I’m a total cat person, SO I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT! They walk all over us, yet we love them anyway. My sister just adopted a new cat, and he has this habit of INCESSANTLY LICKING any part of bare skin he can find. So gross, but also mildly adorable.

    My cat, Rachel, loves to stick her whiskers up my nose in way of saying GOOD MORNING! Most of the time I want to kill her, but then she starts purring and I melt. :)

    You should probably keep them around, at least for a little while.

  25. Courtney said,

    Sunday, November 16, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    Awww, kitties!

  26. jenny said,

    Sunday, November 16, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Oh, I love those kitties! You have a whole pack there. Just wait until it’s really cold, then you’ll remember that you ADORE those sweet purring heating pads. : )

  27. Monday, November 17, 2008 at 10:25 am

    You’re out of luck with me, Caryn! My partner’s mom just got two! adorable kittens. We visited the new family members yesterday and when we came home our cat spent the evening lying on our coats, glaring at us. Reminding us that we hate cats!! (He’s not a cat, he’s a stomach with legs.)

  28. Tuesday, November 18, 2008 at 7:58 am

    Good luck with the zzzz’s. So cute. :)


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