I live in a tourist town, which means that in certain seasons we are overrun by camera-toting sightseers intent on packing in as much adventure as their credit cards and cranky kids will allow. From early spring to late fall work hours increase as many businesses close later, grocery stores morph into scary places filled with clots of vacationers and their cockeyed carts, and our favorite restaurants are inundated by sun-stunned visitors escaping the heat. Shortly thereafter I begin to have nightmares in which our house is taken over by unwelcome tourists who feel that we are unreasonable for not letting them wash their Hummers in our backyard.
Whenever possible during these crazy months, hubs and I escape our personal half-acre of paradise to take pictures of other wonders and spend time with someone else’s tourists for a while. Although the scenery’s different, many of the tourists look exactly the same, as we’ve discovered by traveling widely. This year it will be California. Last year it was South Carolina. In August. In record heat.
After growing up in a Midwestern city that attracted many businesses and college students but nary a tourist, living in a place like this has been an experience. When your daily life is someone else’s vacation, you learn a lot. For example, I’ve learned when to visit the grocery store, which streets and restaurants to avoid and, most importantly, how to dress like a local. The last skill has netted me requests for directions in several neighboring states, Philadelphia, Boston, and Madrid. It may not be handy if you don’t know your way around the town you’re visiting, but it can help you avoid getting scammed by people who take advantage of clueless travelers, and it can net you better service in restaurants, bars, and grocery stores.
Giving the appearance that you’re at home isn’t that difficult. The number one rule is: Avoid wearing fanny packs. Locals and attentive tourists alike have beheld the horrors of such adornments in large concentrations, and so they do not use them. This is not to say that fanny packs don’t have their perks; if your butt is too flat, for example, they provide the illusion of bulk. Since I’ll never have that problem, I eschew them altogether. Rule number two: Be nice to wait staff and other service people. Also, drive like you have at least a passing familiarity with traffic laws. Walk with confidence, even if you don’t know where you’re going, and learn to look but not gawk. And finally, for the love of God, do not take video footage of buildings, mountains, trees, or other unmoving objects.
See? It’s not too tough. For bonus points, don’t use a local’s garden hose to wash your car without their permission. They don’t like that sort of thing.
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spyscribbler said,
Wednesday, July 9, 2008 at 10:55 pm
LOL, Caryn! I never try to blend in, LOL. I always wear a fanny pack because I hate carrying a purse, and I take pictures of everything. I love taking pictures. I’m nice to wait staff and I’ve never used anyone’s–including my own–garden hose to wash the car.
Ilana said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 7:16 am
This reminds me of the advice I received many years ago when moving to NYC. Try to blend in. I think their major concern, however, was that I not get mugged.
Still, these many years later, it is fun to visit the city and not always feel like a tourist. Although, when I ran in to visit Sam and Lani, I was conciously aware that I no longer owned a weather appropriate coat that a New Yorker would wear. Now that I live closer, I might try to adjust the wardrobe some…
Kath Calarco said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 7:53 am
I gave up on fitting in the older I got, vacations included. I live in the frigid North and not a fan of warm weather, so when I visit, let’s say, Florida, those folks can deal with my fair skin – I’m not one to fry in the tanning bed just so I’ll blend. Like I need to add to the unfairness of aging already.
Cam said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 7:58 am
Last year, I was commutting to NYC several times a month. After the first few trips, I stopped looking up at the skyscrapers and spent my observational time while walking down the street gawking — maybe it was a stern look that said “You’re such an idiot” — at the people who took video of the buildings. I somehow resisted the urge to tap offenders on the shoulder and say “Pssst: “It isn’t moving”. If I had the time, I think I would have taken a day to take pictures — maybe even video — of the people who do this at the intersection of 34th & Broadway: first shooting the Empire State Building, then crossing the street (or standing in the middle of it!) to video Macy’s. Imagine the hours of entertainment they must have watching those buildings!
Robin said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 8:45 am
This was so much fun to read, Caryn! From the sounds of it, I bet you might find a few interesting folks to inspire some secondary characters in your writing. Living about forty-five minutes from LA/Hollywood, I’m laughing at thinking about when I go into town. It cracks me up what people are videoing and taking pictures of. And the fanny packs? LOL I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one – ever!
Caryn said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 9:09 am
Spyscribbler, as long as you don’t care about looking like a local, flaunt it!
Ilana, I can see how getting mugged could be an issue. I got the same advice when I traveled to Mexico, but I never could totally fit in there. Something to do with my skin, eyes, and hair color, I think.
Kath, an excellent point. Tanning isn’t worth it just to fit in.
Cam, it doesn’t take long to stop feeling like a tourist and start feeling comfortable if you want to, does it? And I laughed at your description of the tourists and their video cameras. Now if something were moving, that I could probably see! But stationary buildings???
Thanks, Robin! And, yeah, I bet you have a ton of stories! You’ll have to let me know if I look like a tourist when I’m in LA (I can’t wait!!!).
Erin said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 9:33 am
Hehe. You know, when I was visiting Chicago, the way you blended in with the locals was to drive like you HAD TO GET SOMEWHERE FAST and disregard all driving rules and regulations. It was crazy. And fun. And scary. Chicago drivers are vicious.
Stacy said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 10:32 am
Locals don’t wear fanny packs?
Alyson Noel said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:11 am
I live in a tourist town too, and I arrange my life around avoiding certain streets, shops, restaurants, etc during the summer months. I’m glad that they’re having fun, enjoying themselves, and spending money in the local shops, but the traffic- I could do without.
Pam said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:32 am
You need to do a generational ‘how to blend in’ commentary as well. My mother, brother and I had to have an intervention with my dad after the Seattle vacation where we noticed he was wearing (hand to God–true story): white tennis shoes, black socks, bermuda shorts, plaid button-up shirt, promotional baseball cap and a camera bag.
Caryn, please don’t ever do this to your kids. As you can tell, I’m still scarred these twenty years later.
Dru said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:38 am
We know when it’s summer, when our sidewalks are overcrowded with tourists who suddenly stop while walking and gawk up at the tall buildings.
What I love most is watching the tourist navigate the streets, building and people just to take a picture of the Today Show that they see on TV.
Caryn said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 11:52 am
Erin, I can totally see that. Here if you drive like that, it marks you as a foreigner. Okay, well, I admit that I drive like that sometimes, too, when I’m sick of being stuck behind minivans and SUVs going ten miles per hour under the speed limit and I have to get somewhere. But that’s why I’m careful about which routes I take.
Surprisingly, Stacy, they don’t. Strange, isn’t it?
That’s the thing, Alyson — I’m glad they’re out having fun, and they definitely help support our economy; I just don’t want to have to deal with them in large numbers when I don’t have to.
Pam, that is hilarious! I can just picture it, too.
Dru, I hate it when people stop in the middle of the sidewalk (or road) and just stare! Not only does it slow everyone else down, but it can be dangerous. Oh, and the Today Show thing is hilarious.
Suzanne Brandyn said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I had to leave a comment. A fanny pack… Oh my… In Australia,the female anatomy is called a fanny…. lol… we call them bum bags over here. But I don’t wear one either.
Very interesting.
Suz:)
whentheelephantsarrive said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I still don’t understand why this even has to be said. But thank you for saying it because many people are still very guilty of these charges. If you don’t normally wear a fanny pack, why is it suddenly ok on vacation?
bookmom said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I’m terrified that whenever we go on vacation that not only do we look like tourists, but vulnerable. However, I made a point to be polite and try not to stand out. *G* And as for visiting SC in August in record heat? I live in SC, EVERY August is record heat. *G*
Caryn said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Suz, that is priceless! And now that you mention it, I think I *have* heard that before! Now I’ll probably get people trying to find porn and ending up on my site instead. Won’t they be disappointed!
Elephants, I know what you mean. It should be obvious. But, alas, it seems not to be. There are some people who seem to leave their brains at home when they go on vacation. I think this post was more venting than actual instruction, since I know the people who would actually read it are probably too smart to do such things unknowingly.
Bookmom, you’re probably doing a better job of fitting in than you think, in that case. And South Carolina? My sympathies are with you — at least in the summer. It was HOT when we were there last year!
brittany marie said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I live in Savannah, Georgia and I love what you have written because this city constantly faces the necessary evil of tourists. Haha…actually, they are normally wonderful people, just clueless…at least this is assumed from the way they wander around with their gaze upward and their person dressed in khaki shorts and off color fanny packs.
And I especially agree with your words about walking. I figure if you walk like you own it, people will not mess with you. It definitely worked for me during my time in downtown NYC last summer!
Katie said,
Thursday, July 10, 2008 at 10:55 pm
I’d just like to say that I have never heard QUITE such a good term as ‘clots of vacationers’. That’s great, and aptly descriptive. Tonight, I went to the market, and there was just such a clot at the deli, where I had been hoping to get some cold cuts to make panini(s?) at home. However, as there were about 50 ‘platelets’ in this clot, I decided to forgo the meat, and do something else.
I am DONE with tourist towns, I tell you. DONE.
Amy said,
Friday, July 11, 2008 at 8:10 am
LMAO. Oh, this was too funny. Memories of childhood. I grew up with Disneyland as my backyard. Talk about tourist city! You could always tell the locals from the visitors.
Marilyn Brant said,
Friday, July 11, 2008 at 11:31 am
LOL, Caryn. I’m happy to say I no longer own even one fanny pack
.
Caryn said,
Friday, July 11, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Brittany, I LOVE Savannah! And, yes, I’ve been a tourist there several times. In fact, that city has the distinction of being the friendliest city I’ve ever visited.
Platelets! Great word choice, Katie. And, yeah, I wish that groups would just designate one or two shoppers instead of everyone feeling like they have to go. It’s insane.
Oh, Amy, so you had more than enough of that growing up, too! Actually, whenever tourists do stupid things here, like riding in ATVs without helmets or swimming without life jackets, several people I know just throw up their hands in disgust and say, “What were they thinking?!? This isn’t Disneyland, you know!”
Oh, good, Marilyn! You should be proud.
Joanne Rendell said,
Friday, July 11, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I live on the cusp of SoHo, Little Italy and Chinatown in NY. It is tourist central. Sometimes I’d like to look more like a tourist. When you look like a local (which i do becuase of Benny’s stroller and lots of grocery bags!) you constantly get asked, “Where is the Empire State Building? Can I walk?”
Chemical Billy said,
Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 2:50 pm
You’re coming to my town, Caryn! I rigorously avoid the tourist areas of SF, but we live on the route of the occasional tour bus. I like to wave at the tourists on the bus. Yes! We are examples of Local People.
Hey, dude, ping me when you’re in town, if you have a free moment.
Sherry said,
Saturday, July 12, 2008 at 10:26 pm
No videos of inanimate objects??!!?? All these years I’ve been taking videos of buildings, rocks and mountains and still shots of trains, planes, and the ocean tide. This may be what I’m doing wrong. I’m sadly distressed.
SuRi said,
Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 9:29 am
LOL about the fanny pack! Too funny! I laughed so hard I had to hold my stomach, haha! (funny and so true!)
I live in Louisville KY, so I can relate a little to the tourist thing, once a year for two weeks we are invaded with tourists from all over the world for the KY Derby. I am glad it is only a few weeks and not a whole season!
Eileen said,
Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Although functional- the fanny pack is rarely a good look for anyone.
emily said,
Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 2:35 pm
i think we should just do away with the fanny pack altogether. like eileen says, it’s not a good look. in fact, it’s horrible.
Christa J said,
Sunday, July 13, 2008 at 10:41 pm
Personal I ride a Pink banana seat bike around town, so that I blend in.
Caryn said,
Monday, July 14, 2008 at 8:32 am
Joanne, I can see that! Tourists expect locals to know the strangest things, too, and it’s sometimes like I’m a walking tour guide — only without the financial compensation. Though living on the fringes of Little Italy may be worth it!
C.B., check your email!
LOL, Sherry! Just a tip for San. Fran.: The Golden Gate Bridge qualifies as a nonmoving object unless you want to capture the movement of the cars.
Glad you liked it, SuRi! And, yeah, I bet you get your share of fanny packs during that time! I love your area of the world, though. Used to spend a lot of long weekends there when I was growing up. It’s beautiful!
So true, Eileen. So true.
Emily, I think that would be a great idea. Surely there must be other, more attractive and equally useful options.
Christa, dear, you could never blend in, and you like it that way.
jd said,
Monday, July 14, 2008 at 11:58 pm
Hey you are coming out my way! We should do lunch!
Alyssa Goodnight said,
Thursday, July 17, 2008 at 2:21 pm
I hope you have a blast in San Francisco! I’d hoped to go to Nationals this year (it would have been my first time), but it was not to be… But if I had, I would have tried to make a vacation out of it, sans fanny pack.