It has come to my attention that I am now allergic to our couch. This is not wholly unexpected. Spring is in the air, which means if you look at me wrong, I sneeze. With pollens already irritating my sensitivities, it doesn’t take much for anything else to send me over the edge into a reaction — in this case, a couch I purchased for fifty bucks from my ex-boyfriend’s ex-roommate’s ex-girlfriend (really) twelve years ago when she moved to another apartment and didn’t want to take it with her. In addition to a fold-out bed so treacherous it could mangle the strongest back, it houses an assortment of writing implements, several handfuls of change, and enough fur to make a full-grown cat.
Adding another allergen to my repertoire was not one of my goals for this year, no matter how worthy the specimen may be. To be honest, I’m still trying to get used to having allergies in the first place. Thanks to good luck in the lottery we call genetics, penicillin, strawberries, bees, and even poison ivy have never given me so much as a rash, sneeze, cough, or itch.
And then by chance I moved to the desert — the climate that physicians in Ohio (where I grew up) recommended for those sensitive to pollens and the like. Now I gleefully spend every spring sneezing. Which is where the couch comes in (again). When springtime rolls around, and the pollens are at their worst, something in or on the couch, knowing that I am temporarily weak, joins in and gives me hives. Since my husband’s not moving back east, and I won’t move without him, the couch has to be the one to go, because I can handle spring in the desert or I can handle ancient upholstery, but it turns out that I can’t handle both.
This is not a decision to be made lightly, however. I’ve had my sofa over a third of my life — longer than I’ve owned any item of clothing, three times longer than my husband and I have been married, and twenty-four times longer than I’ve had my car. Shabbiness and reaction-inducing upholstery aside, there are some serious attachment issues here. Which means I must a) learn to hate the thing so much I must be rid of it or b) find a replacement I like even better. Since the latter has turned out to be nigh unto impossible, it looks like I’m fully relying on choice number one. Once the Couch of Death (See? I’m trying.) is properly vilified in my mind, maybe it will be easier to send it to the great furniture warehouse in the sky and invite a younger, prettier model into our family room. I’ll even try not to feel too guilty about it, but I’m making no guarantees.
Closeup: Couch of Death + Minion (for scale)
Click on photo for enlarged villainy. It’s probably worth it.
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Katie said,
Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 10:46 pm
Rosie is NOT evil. Clearly, you’ve altered a perfectly innocent photo. As for the couch…I can’t think of anything, at this point, that I am NOT allergic to. I will probably be allergic to the new one, too. Even before cats set paw on it.
It’s always a good feeling to get a new piece of furniture, though.
spyscribbler said,
Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Sadly, I have clothes over twelve years old. I’d rather buy books. My husband has to FORCE me to buy clothes, and he has to fight me to do it.
I’m an Ohioan, too! I want to move to Arizona. Actually, DH and I want to move to an RV, and then go everywhere.
Barrie Summy said,
Wednesday, April 30, 2008 at 11:53 pm
We had to get a leather couch for our kids with allergies. It really made a difference. If that helps you say goodbye to your couch…
Dru said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 6:48 am
I feel your pain. I had to give up owning cats due to my allergies.
Caryn said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 7:17 am
Katie, the amazing thing is that not only is the photo not altered (except cropping and desaturating it), but I didn’t even notice the teeth in the shadow until I was nearly finished with it.
Spyscribbler, I probably would have clothes that old except I don’t buy a lot of clothes, so I wear the ones I have to death. Also in that time I gained a lot of weight and then lost it again. Also, I graduated from college and had several very different jobs which required different wardrobes. But I’m with you — I’d much rather spend the money on books.
Barrie, that’s a thought! I hadn’t considered leather, but I can see how it would be less allergenic. At the very least, allergens can’t get stuck in the fibers, which is what I suspect has happened here.
Dru, that is my worst nightmare! I’m very, very mildly allergic (just when the hairs get in my eyes, which actually happens a lot) and my husband’s mother and sister are both allergic. I’m terrified that when we have kids they’ll be allergic to the cats. It would be so sad. I’d really miss my kids a lot…
lainey said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 7:26 am
Falling in love with people/things that hurt us is not healthy! Send EVIL couch to the fiery death it deserves.
(drama and pop psychology 101 over for the day)
(advice to be taken with a very large grain of salt as it comes from someone who has clothes AND furniture older than her teenagers)
Carat said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 8:48 am
I wonder, mayhap the hives were caused by fleas? Our kitties, despite all of the anti flea goo in the verse still occasionally get them, and when they do they usually give them to the carpet and upholstery. You might check the minion for buggles prior to completely writing off the couch.
Katie Alender said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 8:54 am
I get terrible hay fever in spring, and I never thought about it, but I’ll be our leather couch helps.
Katie Alender said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 8:55 am
“Well, I’ll be a leather couch!”
I meant to say, I’ll bet our couch helps.
Caryn said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 9:33 am
LOL, Lainey! An excellent point. This is one abusive relationship I do not need.
Carat, I’ll check, but they haven’t ever had them. I think it helps that they are exclusively indoor kitties. Plus, it’s only the couch that does it. When I sit back against the cushions in short sleeves, I get a rash on the backs of my arms. None of our other furniture does it, and the cats spend more than their fair share of time on the various sleep-on-able surfaces in the house.
Katie, I’d never considered that either. Now I’m starting to wonder if that’s the route we should go. I just love the feel of a soft, upholstered couch. But it’s worth it not to be allergic to the thing.
Robin said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 9:42 am
Bummer, Caryn! Allergies are no fun. I’ve got them too and sneeze no less than oh, a dozen times a day. Maybe think about what joy the Couch of Death could bring to someone else (without allergies) if you donate it, and how a new couch means you get to start new memories.
Melissa said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 9:51 am
Wow, I’d burn the darn thing. Get rid of couch. Buy something lovely and when it’s expiration date starts to creep up, toss it.
Eileen said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 10:06 am
Gack allergy season. I feel your pain. I’m in the new sofa camp. Go shopping. Find something that repells cat fur. Or in our case- dog fur.
virginia said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 12:22 pm
could that picture be any more hilarious?!
hope the allergies simmer down!
Caryn said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Robin, that stinks! Sorry you’re suffering, too. And you have a good point about giving the Couch of Death to someone else. Unfortunately, it’s gotten pretty tattered over the years. It’s been around a long time.
Melissa, it would be quite the bonfire. Of course, I should probably wait until Halloween to do that.
Eileen, I just need an allover fur repellant — for clothing, furniture, covers, etc. Now THAT would be a good invention.
Thanks, Virginia! The funny thing is that I didn’t even notice the teeth in the shadow at first. I was just happy I caught her with such an expression.
Pam said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 2:18 pm
Caryn, I hate to add to everything else you’re dealing with, but there’s something I have to tell you. You see, your couch has been unfaithful.
It all started about 2 years ago and it began innocently enough. Your couch met my couch when they each joined an HGTV chat room abour reupholstry. Talks about chintzes and plaids let to favorite stuffings and colors and before you knew it, they were having internet sofa sex. I’ve seen transcripts of these sessions and it would make you sick. I think the worst part was not the graphic depictions of where this crossbar would go and using WD-40 in ways it was not meant to, but in how your couch talked about how you totally used him–you’d sit on him, sleep on him, and the worst–would eat dinner on him and spill something and not immediately clean it up. He mentioned Scotch Guarding but it was in such a way I wouldn’t feel comfortable in repeating it. Let’s just say the anatomical possibilities were very limited. (Not to mention extremely painful.)
So, I’m terribly sorry to bring this to you, but I felt you should know. Maybe it’s best if you two part company. Maybe not now, but someday after you’ve both had some time to heal, you could be friends again.
If you love your sofa, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it was never meant to be…
Brandy said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Seriously, get rid of the evil couch of hives. *g* We have a leather couch and it’s great, no pet dander to sink into it. If you do go with leather (and they are very soft these days) then buy the protection play and any nick or scratch (well, you DO have cats) are fixed for you.
Good luck!
Ilana said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 5:43 pm
I’m voting for leather too! We had a leather couch, then bought a cloth-covered one. Fortunately, we didn’t toss the leather one. On our last move, the leather sofa went back into the living room. They don’t stain (easily) and if you are contemplating kids, keep in mind that leather is much easier to clean when they’ve dumped something on it (not to mention when you hit that potty training age…).
Caryn said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Okay, Pam, after reading that I’ll definitely never look at my couch the same way again! Which should help make it easier to get rid of it, actually.
Brandy, not only do we have cats but we intend to have kids someday. That couch is toast. Of course, as Ilana pointed out, leather isn’t as likely to stain, which is good.
Katie Reus said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 6:14 pm
Omg, I laughed so hard at Pam’s post I almost spit my wine out.
Caryn, I’m voting for the leather couch! It is the only way to go
I’ve got a dog (though I do love cats…or any animal for that matter) and as long as the claws are clipped, leather is wonderful!
Marilyn Brant said,
Thursday, May 1, 2008 at 10:59 pm
Caryn~how kind you are! Thanks for stopping by my blog and for the book congrats…and–please–add in my vote for the leather couch
. My brother has one and, not only is it great for someone with pets, it’s SO comfy!
Erica Orloff said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 6:32 am
Just had to tell you . . . I laughed out loud!!!!
I have a bathrobe of questionable death-rays, but it’s older than I am (was my grandfather’s) so I keep it.
E
David Rice said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 7:15 am
What a sinister shadow!
Joanne Rendell said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 7:46 am
sending cyber-tissues your way!
Pam Writes Romance, The Interview » Ilana Stephens said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 8:09 am
[...] Get Up‘ podcast workshop and the example of a few other blogging Wiffers like Caryn, The Book Lady (see the links to the right), we’ve both gotten our blogs up and [...]
Jen said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 8:28 am
Caryn…I am suffering with something wretched here in Missoula and someone recently suggested it was allergies. I haven’t had allergies before and, if this is allergies, I’m not a fan. Nice photo – though I don’t think it captures Rosie’s true nature! After reading Pam’s post, I feel pretty dirty considering the number of hours I, personally, have spent sitting on your couch. Disgusting. You should really warn people. I’m off to shower!
Alyson Noel said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 10:03 am
Allergies are the worst. When I first started dating my husband I was allergic to his cat- but I soldiered on, sure I could outlive him (the cat), and I did. Though sometimes I really miss him!
There is an allergy free couch out there for you– find it and live peacefully again!
pamwritesromance said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 10:05 am
Jen–email me about Missoula!!!
Caryn said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 11:34 am
Katie, I agree — it was pretty amusing. And it’s good to know that your dog’s claws haven’t done any lasting harm to it. That’s one of my big concerns.
Marilyn, thanks for reciprocating the visit! And I’ll definitely stop back again.
And, yes, comfort is a priority.
Thanks, Erica! Reading that made my day! As for the sentimental bathrobe, who could blame you? I have some things from my grandparents, and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
David, I agree! Of course, there are other signs that she’s evil, so I wasn’t totally surprised to see this evidence.
Thanks, Joanne! And boy do I need them!
Jen, allergies stink! Please don’t get them. Especially seasonal ones, because then you’re doomed every spring, and spring is otherwise such a nice time of year. As for Rosie’s nature, that is debateable. You clearly haven’t seen her in all her manifestations. And I promise to clean the couch thoroughly before you sit on it next time.
Alyson, they make non-allergenic cats, I hear, although I do believe they’re furless, which isn’t exactly the same. I would be devastated not to have cats. I feel for you.
Pam, I’ll pass on your message in case she doesn’t see it.
Keri Mikulski said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Allergies suck! My daughter suffers terribly from allergies already (she’s two)… We’ve had to get rid of lots of stuff. Try leather. Good luck!
J.L. Krueger said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 1:28 pm
After Desert Storm I came back allergic to just about everything. My cats, I let attrite…didn’t replace them as they died. Got micro-fibre covers for stuff, micro-fibre filter bags for vacuums, the works. Tore out all the carpets and installed hardwood floors (BTW, great tax deduction if you can get your doctor to write a letter recommending it…helps get over the hump on medical expenses AND you wind up with nice floors!).
Biggest problem I have is that I like open windows in the spring…pollen gets on the keyboard…and eventually I rub my eyes…bad move.
Mary said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 3:52 pm
I’ve been sneezing and rubbing my eyes all week. Luckily, no problems here with upholstered furniture, but last year I had to give up my feather pillows in favour of foam.
Act quickly, Caryn! Hives this year, but who knows how far the Couch of Death might go…!
Caryn said,
Friday, May 2, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Keri, that’s awful! I hope they don’t get worse as she gets older. I’ve heard that many kids now are so much more prone to allergies than they used to be.
Oh, J.L. That must have been really hard. I wonder what changed it all? Being in a new climate for so long, maybe? But I love your ingenuity in getting your physician to write a note and then using it for tax purposes. It sounds like a very reasonable medical deduction, actually.
Mary, I still have my feather pillows — well, most of them, at least. I hadn’t thought of them as being allergenic. May have to look at them if I start experiencing other symptoms, too. As for the couch, it actually *is* getting worse, so I really should act soon. We just haven’t found any couches we like — well, for a price we’re willing to pay, at least!
Morven Westfield said,
Saturday, May 3, 2008 at 8:09 am
Oh, I empathize! I used to pride myself on how UNallergic I was, only to discover after repeated sinus infections that the real problem was allergies. Molds. Feathers. Horror of horror — cats! On a Friday night, after drinking red wine and eating blue cheese, I’d retire to bed (where the cats had slept earlier) and pull the down comforter up to my chin and cough — not sneeze, but cough.
We, too, considered a leather couch, but wouldn’t the sharp cat claws poke through? We decided that would be a rather expensive experiment so, for now, we vacuum the couch, shampoo it every so often, and put down blankets for the cat to sit on that we can then wash. Yes, we’re down to one cat, and after him, sniff, no more kitties. I hear that guinea pigs are cuddly…
Morven
P.S. Yeah, get rid of the feather pillows. It helps.
Ilana said,
Saturday, May 3, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Our cats (3 different ones total over the years) don’t seem to like the leather much – they didn’t/don’t sit on it or claw it, but they did/do this to the cloth couches. To make the current cat welcome, we just leave out a throw blanket for him to curl up on.
Cost is a definite issue with leather (we found ours on sale), but we’ve now had it for *counting* 10 years and its holding up much better than the upholstered one that we’ve only had for 5 years. And both cost more or less the same. Next time (when the boys have managed to do in the current sofa) we’re sticking with leather.
Caryn said,
Saturday, May 3, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Morven, that really makes me wonder about a friend of mine. She has frequent sinus infections. Maybe they’re really allergies. For her sake I hope not, although it might actually help her resolve the problem. And thanks for the hint on the feather pillows. I didn’t realize they could cause such a problem.
Ilana, it’s good to know that the cats didn’t hurt the leather. Mine haven’t been particularly interested in my leather shoes, belts, etc., so that’s probably a good sign. Though I do like that you put down a blanket for your kitties. And the life of a leather couch is a good point, one I hadn’t taken into consideration. Plus, I’m sure it becomes softer and more comfortable as it is around longer and broken in.
Absolute Vanilla (an said,
Sunday, May 4, 2008 at 9:51 am
Welcome to allergy hell where everything must be viewed with deepest suspicion. Just sneeze and do not bother to pass go, directly to the Kleenex.
As for that couch – it is evil and badly behaved – evict it – and the hordes of dust mites that call it home!
Don’t know if you get Weleda products in the States, but try to get yourself a homeopathic injection of Gensydo, a Weleda product – stings like hell but you’ll stop sneezing. I swear by it.
oh said,
Tuesday, May 6, 2008 at 5:40 am
I’m afraid couches belong in a category with wall-to-wall carpets. I vacuum both, seemingly to no avail. Yup, I hoist my vacuum up onto our two couches and vaccum diligently. (we have two dogs; the beagle is a soft-place-to-sleep maniac. And yes, beagles shed.)
Anyway, I suggest we stage a “couch in” or rather, a couch out. On a selected day, all of us with couches-bearing-pet hair would just set them outside on the curb. Any takers would be welcome to them. Meanwhile, I would be indoors, ripping up the carpet, too. And there would be no more lying about in front of the TV until the hardwood floor was installed and the leather couches were delivered. (yes, I love everyone’s reference to a leather, or leather-like, couch – why didn’t I think of that when I bought these two lovely nubby, intensely textured couches several years ago?)
Robin Bielman, The Interview » Ilana Stephens said,
Sunday, May 11, 2008 at 4:48 am
[...] How’d we ‘meet’? We’re not exactly sure, but it was either through Pam or Caryn. Come on over to the Will Write for Wine boards, [...]
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Sunday, May 11, 2008 at 7:05 pm
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Jen said,
Tuesday, May 20, 2008 at 11:06 pm
Hi again, Caryn!
I just wanted to inform all allergy sufferers that I have discovered a non-medicinal relief for seasonal allergies. I don’t know if it works for pet allergies, but it really has made a HUGE difference for me with what I have resorted to calling hayfever. It’s called Elder Flower tincture. Get to know it! You should be able to pick some up at a local herb shop, co-op or whole foods store. Any time I’m feeling stuffy, I take half a dropper and viola! All better! The nice thing is, unlike Echinacea, your body doesn’t build up a resistance to it, so you can take as much of it as you like (as it doesn’t appear to have toxicity at increased dosages either). Hopefully people will still read this since I, for one, am reaping the rewards of this discovery!
In Which I Use too Many Parentheses (and Can’t Remember the Rules of Capitalization for Titles) « The Book Lady said,
Sunday, August 10, 2008 at 10:01 am
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