Dear driver of the Honda Accord from Ohio:
The orange barrels are lovely to behold, that is true. They glisten in the sunlight as they line either side of the lane down which you meander. Our town is known for its natural beauty, but nothing can compare with the delight of two straight rows of fluorescence leading you toward your destination.
This is what I must assume you are thinking, since you are driving seven-and-a-half miles per hour down said lane.
Or perhaps you find construction fun, and are slowing down to relive the Tonka trucks of your youth.
My husband has suggested that drivers like you are daunted by the road work — by the cones and the barrels and the orange signs — and while I believe that that is generally true, I know that in your case this cannot be the holdup. You see, I grew up in your fine state, and I know for a fact that Ohio, too, undergoes construction projects. Big ones. Extraordinarily massive ones brought on by weighty snow, speeding semis, and ice-cracked asphalt.
So here is what I would like to know: How much moolah would it take to get you to pick it up a little? Just to, say, ten miles per hour instead of seven and a half? Because I wish to see my cats and my house and my husband again before the turn of the century, and I’m not sure ninety-two years is enough time.
Thank you.
Sincerely,
The driver in the car behind you
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emily said,
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 12:10 pm
yuck. construction. and double yuck for the insanity it seems to bring out in the drivers.
Z said,
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 1:47 pm
ugh. one of the things i hated the most about having a car and driving – those OTHER people who had cars and were driving, usually *not* at the same speed I was, and either scaring the crap out of my by zooming past or annoying the hell out of my by going waaaaay too slow…
Caryn said,
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Too true, Emily! Actually, the ones who really annoy me are those who see that a lane will be cut off, so they speed up so that they can cut in front of those who get over when they should.
Z, so you’re carless now? How nice! In the summers I’m able to get away with riding my bike or walking everywhere, but for now it’s too cold. I’m kind of jealous.
J.L. Krueger said,
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Where I live the construction never seems to end and drivers like on you describe seem to breed in those conditions.
It gets even worse if there is precipitation…any precipitation…though snow wreaks absolute havoc!
Brandy said,
Sunday, March 16, 2008 at 5:27 pm
The only think worse than construction slow-downs are people who rubberneck at 5 miles an hour at a wreck.
David Rice said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 3:29 am
Those slow drivers must not have lives to attend. Some of us need more time simply for work, school, and daily commitments.
The Muse said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 5:50 am
Around here you are supposed to “give workers a brake,” at least a little slow up to keep from running them down. I agree with that. However, I have come across drivers just like you mention and they really irk me.
I watched a George Carlin bit several years back. He mentioned putting one of those scrolling message boards on top of your car so you could show the love to drivers like this. In his next breath, he mentioned that it would be nice if each driver’s license plate were their cell phone number. Then you could just call them up and give them a piece of your mind.
I love the idea of the gratuitous phone call!
virginia said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 10:28 am
i hate when people drive like they’re out for a sunday stroll. maddening! it’s things like that that make the road rager inside me start to well up…
Larramie said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 10:56 am
Aw, he was probably just out for a “Sunday drive”…remember those?!
Robin Bielman said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 11:17 am
LOL, Caryn! Mr. Honda Accord sounds like a guy I had the privilege of driving behind just last week. The only difference is, I wasn’t in a construction zone. Not pleasant for someone like me who my husband refers to as Mario Andretti. I hope you’re able to avoid that road in the future – or at least as long as there’s construction.
Caryn said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 2:59 pm
J.L., I know what you mean about rain and snow! Of course, for many years I was overly cautious about driving in snow, so I am a little more patient with other cautious drivers in such conditions, but it’s still annoying.
Brandy, so true! I’m surprised there aren’t more accidents caused by people slowing down to look at other accidents.
David, that’s the thing: I already lack time in my day to do the things I need and want to do, so I want to spend as little time driving as possible. I have more important things to do.
Muse, definitely agree with slowing down in construction zones. But when people take it too far, they themselves become a hazard. And I LOVE the idea of scrolling marquees on cars! It would probably make some people better drivers–and inspire even more road rage in others.
Virginia, me, too! Especially when there’s no place to pass.
I do, Larramie. If so, though, I still wish they were considerate enough to find another route so that people could pass them if they needed to.
Oh, no, Robin! That sounded awful. I hope you avoid such situations, too. Unfortunately, we’re entering tourist season in my town, so traffic is about to get much worse and hesitant drivers will be far more common.
Mizzz_K said,
Monday, March 17, 2008 at 9:02 pm
THat is hysterical. Living in a state where flashing on the OTHER side of a cement barrier on a major arterial still cause people to slow down, I hear your pain. They’ve started implementing a test plan out here to put vidoe cameras at construction sights to catch cars speeding and doing other illegal things. Should be interesting to see how that works out.
sandi said,
Thursday, March 20, 2008 at 5:06 pm
This is hilarious, Caryn!
And it reminds me of that other thing George Carlin once said…how the roads are filled with maniacs and idiots. The maniacs, of course, are the drivers going faster than we are, and the idiots are like this guy in front of you the other day. (I’m sure he’s been here in Connecticut, too!)
Jen said,
Friday, April 25, 2008 at 7:50 pm
Hilarious! I feel your pain! Driving to work is a giant chore thanks to those who refuse to drive the speed limit. Those folks have a special place on my list of “people I hate,” not to mention a cozy place in hell.